… Why “Leverage Your Network” No Longer Works
If you’re an entrepreneur, you’ve heard it a thousand times: “Just work your network.” “Leverage your circle of influence.” It’s well-intentioned advice—but in today’s world, it’s often completely detached from reality. Most professionals no longer have large, active networks to lean on. Social circles are smaller, community participation is thinner, and casual, in-person interactions—the kind that once fueled referrals—have quietly disappeared. The old networking playbook assumes a social environment that simply no longer exists.
As a mortgage agent working alongside realtors, accountants, and financial planners, I see this disconnect every day. Talented professionals doing everything “right,” yet wondering why referrals feel harder to come by. The issue isn’t effort or skill. It’s that the rules of social engagement—and therefore business growth—have changed.
In this article, I’ll discuss:
The Collapse of the Circle of Influence
Fewer Referrals, Not Less Talent
Earning a Network Instead of Inheriting One
What This Looks Like in Practice
The Collapse of the Circle of Influence
The concept of a “circle of influence” assumes frequent social contact: overlapping friend groups, community events, shared spaces, and regular face-to-face interaction. That world has faded. People attend fewer gatherings, belong to fewer groups, and interact with fewer people in real life. As a result, the average professional’s “circle” is dramatically smaller than it was even 20 years ago.
Studies across North America show a sharp drop in face-to-face social activities over the past two decades. In Canada, the proportion of people who spend time with friends on a typical day has plummeted from nearly half of the population in 1986 to under one in five by 2022. For those who do meet friends, the duration of visits also shortened (from ~5 hours to ~3.8 hours on average). Similar trends are observed in the U.S.—only 4.1% of Americans attended or hosted a social event on an average weekend in 2023, a 35% decrease since 2004. In fact, Americans have halved the time they spend at parties or social gatherings since the early 2000s, with young adults attending 70% fewer social events than two decades ago. This “party deficit” is part of a broader decline in offline social life: people are spending more time alone than ever, and face-to-face socializing has plummeted (by ~20% overall, and over 35% for some groups like young people and unmarried men).
This is where frustration sets in. You’re told to rely on a network that, for many people, barely exists anymore. It’s not that you failed to build one—it’s that the social infrastructure that once created networks has eroded.
Fewer Referrals, Not Less Talent
All forms of in-person social participation have waned. Community involvement and group activities are down: Canada has seen a “sharp reduction in volunteering and in being involved in groups” in recent years. The average American in the late 2010s was far less likely to visit friends, attend club meetings, or engage in civic groups than in previous generations. Even the size of our close-knit circles is shrinking. From 2013 to 2022, the share of Canadians who report having six or more close friends dropped from 37% to just 22% – a 40% decline. In short, we are socializing less in person – fewer house parties, community gatherings, and everyday meet-ups with friends. This represents a profound shift in how people connect.
When referrals slow down, many professionals internalize it. “Maybe I’m not top of mind.” “Maybe I’m not good enough.” But the reality is far more structural than personal. When clients have fewer friends, fewer gatherings, and fewer conversations, referrals decline naturally.
This doesn’t reflect a drop in competence—it reflects a drop in social exposure. Even your happiest clients may not be talking to many people, let alone people who need a mortgage, a realtor, or a financial plan. Referral-based growth still works—but it’s slower, less predictable, and no longer sufficient on its own.
Growth Is No Longer Passive
For businesses, an important implication is that the traditional ways of meeting new people and building trust—through organic social interaction—are fading. Decades ago, one might find a few hundred acquaintances at church on Sunday or regularly bump into neighbors and strike up conversations. Today, such ready-made gatherings are rarer. Professionals who once relied on community events, networking mixers, or word-of-mouth referrals from well-connected clients may find those channels drying up as people socialize less in person. This new reality poses a challenge: How can you cultivate strong client relationships and a steady pipeline in a world that’s less socially connected? The flip side is an opportunity – in a climate of general disconnection, those who do foster genuine personal connections can truly stand out.
There was a time when simply being present in your community was enough. Show up to enough events, be friendly, do good work, and business followed. Today, visibility doesn’t happen accidentally. Growth is no longer passive—it’s intentional.
Professionals now have to create relevance instead of waiting for it. That means showing up consistently in clients’ lives, communicating clearly and regularly, and providing value outside of transactional moments. If people aren’t bumping into you anymore, you have to remind them—thoughtfully and professionally—that you’re there.
Earning a Network Instead of Inheriting One
The net effect is a paradox: clients want the convenience of digital engagement, but still value the rapport of personal connection. In this “less social” world, any in-person encounter now carries extra weight. If much of business is done via emails and video calls, then meeting a client face-to-face (or even speaking by phone) becomes a differentiator. It’s an opportunity to build trust faster and more firmly than competitors who remain “faceless” service providers. As one report puts it, face-to-face interactions let customers experience your expertise and values directly, making your relationship more “tangible” and memorable. For professionals looking to strengthen client bonds, proximity — when feasible — can be a superpower.
In a low-social world, networks aren’t inherited—they’re earned. One relationship at a time. Through reliability. Through presence. Through doing what you say you’ll do when others don’t.
Let me give you a quick story. A realtor I work with stopped chasing networking events altogether. Instead, she focused on deepening relationships with the clients she already had—checking in long after transactions closed, acknowledging life events, and offering help even when there was no deal on the table. Her “network” didn’t explode overnight—but it became stronger, more loyal, and more responsive. Over time, referrals returned—not in volume, but in quality.
That’s what modern networking looks like.
What This Looks Like in Practice
For realtors and mortgage professionals, this means shifting focus:
- From meeting more people to building better relationships
- From relying on chance encounters to creating intentional touchpoints
- From transactional follow-ups to meaningful check-ins
For clients, it means choosing professionals who feel present and reliable—not just fast or convenient. People remember how you made them feel long after they forget the details of the transaction.
Allen’s Final Thoughts
The failure of traditional networking advice isn’t a personal shortcoming—it’s a reflection of social reality. We live in a less social world, and pretending otherwise only leads to frustration. The professionals who succeed today aren’t the most socially connected; they’re the most relationally intentional. Growth now depends less on who you know and more on how you show up.
As a mortgage agent, my role fits squarely into this new reality. I don’t just help clients secure financing—I help them feel prepared, informed, and supported through decisions that carry real emotional weight. I work closely with realtors to create clarity for clients, reduce friction in transactions, and build trust that lasts beyond closing day.
In a world where networks are smaller and attention is scarce, consistency, communication, and genuine care are what keep businesses alive—and growing. If you’re navigating this shift, my job is to help you do it with confidence, strategy, and a human touch that still matters more than ever.
