… How to Speak So She Feels Understood
You’ve probably heard the old line, “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.” It’s cliché (and also a book), sure — but there’s a real truth buried in there. Men and women don’t just communicate differently; they experience communication differently.
For men, conversation often has a goal — to solve a problem, share information, or get to the point. For women, communication is often about connection — sharing, empathizing, and feeling understood. When these two languages meet in business, misunderstanding can creep in quietly — even between people who genuinely respect each other.
Dr. Orion Taraban says, “Feminine communication isn’t about the transfer of data — it’s about emotional resonance.” He compares it to two tuning forks: one vibrates, and when brought close to another, the second begins to vibrate at the same frequency. That’s when communication is truly received.
As a mortgage agent who works with a diverse range of clients and professionals, I’ve learned that the ability to “speak both languages” is one of the most valuable skills I can have. Because when people feel heard, they trust you — and when they trust you, they do business with you.
Here’s what I’ll cover:
Why Men and Women Communicate Differently
Emotional Resonance: The Heart of Connection
The Art of Listening Between the Lines
How to Create Comfort and Trust in Conversations
Putting It Into Practice (for Realtors and Clients)
Why Men and Women Communicate Differently
Let’s call it what it is — men and women are wired differently, especially in how they process emotion.
Most men are solution-focused communicators. When someone brings up a problem, their first instinct is to fix it. It’s logical, direct, and efficient — but it can also come across as emotionally detached.
Women, on the other hand, are often connection-focused communicators. They share thoughts and experiences to feel closer, not necessarily to find a fix. When a man jumps straight into “solving mode,” she can feel dismissed — as though her feelings weren’t acknowledged.
When a woman shares a story or a frustration, she’s often not seeking correction or advice — she’s trying to recreate her emotional experience in you. If she feels anxious, she’s trying to help you feel her anxiety so you understand her fully. A doctor may call this having good bedside manner. But if a man only listens to the literal words — the “data” — he misses the meaning beneath them, and in the mortgage world, that can directly impact financial decisions.
That’s where frustration happens:
- She’s speaking emotionally
- He’s responding factually
And both walk away feeling unheard
Neither style is wrong — they’re just different. The key to great communication is understanding the intention behind the words.
Emotional Resonance: The Heart of Connection
Emotional resonance is what happens when two people align emotionally — when one person’s feelings are mirrored and acknowledged by the other. Emotional resonance is the foundation of empathy — it’s when your emotions and someone else’s line up in harmony.
In business, this is crucial. You can deliver perfect information, but if the emotional tone doesn’t match your client’s state — they’ll tune you out.
To connect with women effectively, you need to speak with feeling — not just facts. That doesn’t mean being dramatic; it means matching tone, energy, and empathy. If she’s stressed, acknowledge it before you start solving. If she’s excited, mirror her enthusiasm before getting into details.
That’s the difference between being heard and being felt.
Here’s a little secret: women are exceptionally tuned to emotional cues. They notice tone, eye contact, body language, even micro-expressions. When a man demonstrates emotional resonance — when he listens deeply, reflects her emotion, and shows he genuinely cares — it’s magnetic.
It’s not about “agreeing with everything she says.” It’s about showing that you get it.
A small change in communication can make a massive difference:
- Instead of, “You shouldn’t worry about that,” try “I can see why that would worry you — let’s talk through it.”
- Instead of, “Don’t be upset, it’s not a big deal,” try “I get that this feels like a big deal right now.”
That’s emotional resonance — and it’s powerful.
The Art of Listening Between the Lines
When women talk, there’s often more meaning in how they say things than in the words themselves. Active listening means tuning in to emotion, not just content.
Men often listen to understand facts. Women want to feel felt.
If you’re a man in business — whether you’re talking to a female client, colleague, or realtor — slow down, listen for emotion, and respond to that emotion first. This builds trust faster than any sales pitch ever could.
A female client might say, “I’m worried about locking in a rate right now.” On the surface, that’s a technical concern — but emotionally, it might mean, “I’m afraid of making a mistake,” or “I don’t feel secure yet.”
If I respond only to the words, I might say, “Rates aren’t expected to rise significantly — here are the numbers.”
If I respond to the emotion, I might say, “I totally get that — this is a big decision, and it’s normal to feel cautious. Let’s walk through the options together so you feel confident.”
Same facts, different delivery — and the second approach lands every time.
Because emotional resonance isn’t about talking more — it’s about listening better.
I’ve been amazed at how much smoother negotiations, referrals, and partnerships go when I can make people feel emotionally understood.
How to Create Comfort and Trust in Conversations
Comfort is the currency of trust. The more emotionally safe someone feels with you, the more likely they are to open up and collaborate.
Here’s how to create that space:
First, start by showing warmth and genuine interest. Say things like, “It’s always great to see you,” or “I really enjoy working with you.” These small affirmations communicate liking — which is often the first step toward trust.
Second, match their emotional energy. If someone’s stressed, stay calm and compassionate. If they’re excited, meet them in that enthusiasm. That emotional alignment tells them, “We’re on the same wavelength.”
Third, be present. Put the phone down, make eye contact, and listen fully. When people feel your full attention, they feel valued — and that’s where connection deepens.
A Story to Illustrate
A while back, I was helping a young couple — the husband was analytical, the wife more emotionally expressive. During a call, she voiced frustration over how long the approval process was taking. Her husband jumped in immediately: “We’ve done everything we can; it’s not a big deal.”
You could see her shut down.
I stepped in and said, “I completely understand what you mean — waiting can feel stressful, especially when you’re excited about moving forward. You’ve done all the right things; now it’s just about timing.”
She smiled. The tension dropped instantly. Her husband looked at me and said, “I guess I should’ve said that.”
That’s the power of emotional resonance. Once she felt heard, she relaxed — and the entire conversation moved forward productively.
Putting It Into Practice
For Realtors:
When working with female clients, focus less on convincing and more on connecting. Instead of jumping into stats or market talk right away, start with emotional calibration. Ask how they feel about the process, not just what they think.
If she seems stressed, acknowledge it: “I know this part can be nerve-wracking, but we’ll take it step by step together.” That reassurance builds loyalty faster than any pitch.
For Clients:
If you’re a man buying a home with your partner, pay attention to how she expresses her feelings during the process. She’s not just talking about floor plans — she’s talking about security, belonging, and vision. Reflect those emotions back: “I can tell you really love this place,” or “It feels cozy, doesn’t it?” You’ll both enjoy the process more — and make better decisions together.
Allen’s Final Thoughts
At the heart of every great relationship — personal or professional — is the ability to communicate across emotional lines. Men and women may speak different emotional languages, but the universal translation is empathy.
When you stop trying to be right and start trying to resonate, everything changes — your conversations, your connections, and yes, even your business outcomes.
As your mortgage agent, that’s exactly how I work. I take the time to listen — not just to your words, but to your tone, your concerns, and your hopes. Whether I’m working with clients or realtors, I focus on creating emotional comfort first, because that’s where trust grows.
So if you’re looking for a mortgage experience that’s not just transactional but truly relational — one where you feel seen, heard, and cared for — I’m here to help you every step of the way. Together, we’ll find solutions that make sense, feel right, and build the foundation for your next chapter — with understanding at the heart of it all.
